3 Money Talks Couples Can't Afford to Skip
Talking about money openly and often can transform your relationship.
When I polled my Instagram followers about the money dynamics within their relationships, this is what I discovered:
1/2 of couples don’t have shared financial goals or budgets
1/3 of couples disagree on how expenses should be split, and
1/4 of couples avoid money discussions altogether.
This confirmed my suspicion that couples have a long way to go when it comes to shared finances. My husband, Daniel, and I have a few things to improve on, too. Mostly, when life gets busy, we skip the monthly finance chat. My thinking is that I would rather spend that hour getting something done for Money With Carla. And right now our life is absolutely chaotic with both of us having recently started new businesses.
But we have a very transparent cash flow and investing communication process. We both know exactly what we’re trying to achieve, we’re aligned on how (ETFs for the win in case you have not gotten that from my blogs yet;)), and we analyse every step to agree on what’s best. Like, if we should buy a house or rent one. (More on that later…)
Daniel worked as a private banker to high-net-worth individuals in Switzerland at one of the largest banks, Credit Suisse. So we both have finance and investing-heavy skillsets. Yet we still don’t get this exactly right.
This made me wonder if WE can’t do it perfectly, how the hell do couples with less financial background do it at all? Money is one of the core components of a happy relationship (research shows that approaching finances jointly increases relationship satisfaction), but there is no guidance out there whatsoever on how to approach this. That’s why I’m brewing up something special (more on that below).
As for 1/2 of couples not having a budget or goals, it made a lot of sense. My parents had a budget, and it was always a fight. Because there was no goal. My mom and dad never aligned on what they were actually trying to achieve: was it saving enough for retirement or putting enough away for the kids’ education? A budget without a goal is like a relationship without love - it’s bound to go wrong eventually.
When it comes to building a happy, lasting relationship, money plays a much bigger role than most people realise. I don’t mean how much you make, save, or invest, but rather how it is approached (and communicated) within a relationship.
That’s because money is a highly emotional topic for many people. It impacts people’s feelings of security and freedom, and it informs people’s values.
Interestingly, research also shows that how you spend money also impacts your happiness. It’s not only about future investments but also about how you choose to spend now without guilt.
Not talking about money often enough or in the right ways can take it from an aspect of life and relationships to a real burden in the way of connection and a source of great stress.
And I understand why couples avoid finance conversations. Most of the time, they are trying to avoid the possible conflict or awkwardness that could come with such a conversation. But the truth is that avoiding these conversations is actually what builds resentment and conflict, even if no one ever says so.
The great news is that you can change that with one conversation at a time. Start by taking my Money Personality Quiz to help you understand your starting point!
I feel strongly about the fact that when couples have the right conversations about finances, money can become a fun and exciting topic in their households.
And if “fun and exciting” sounds way too far-fetched right now, start by working towards neutrality about money first. Then, the positive feelings will come with time.
Here are three essential money conversations every couple should have to create financial teamwork and strengthen their bond.
Your Shared “Why” Behind Wealth
Most of us want to grow our wealth, but have you ever sat down to ask each other (or even yourselves) why? What’s the deeper motivation behind your financial goals?
For some, the goal might be complete financial independence. For you, it might be about giving back, enjoying more freedom, or creating a safety net to start your own business. Understanding each other’s “why” helps you align not just your budgets, but your bigger life dreams.
When you’re clear on the purpose of your money, decisions about spending, saving, or investing feel less like compromises and more like teamwork. And on top of that, knowing your partner’s “why” behind wealth can give you special insight into how they act the way they do when it comes to money.
Opening Up About Debt
Debt is one of those topics that can trigger big reactions, especially if you and your partner have different experiences or beliefs around it. Whether it’s student loans, credit card debt, or even a mortgage, what matters is how you feel about debt and how you want to handle it as a couple.
Is some debt “good debt” in your eyes? Does the idea of debt keep you up at night, or do you see it as a necessary tool? By thinking and talking about these feelings together, you can take the mystery out of the topic and neutralise it. Then, you can agree on strategies that feel safe and realistic for both of you.
This is a conversation that can seriously help to dissolve hidden resentments and get you to build trust in each other’s financial decisions.
Creating a Vision of Financial Freedom Together
“Financial freedom” can mean wildly different things to different people. For one, it might be retiring below the traditional retirement age. For another, it’s having zero debt or being able to travel without stress.
If you don’t take the time to discuss what freedom looks like to each of you, you could start pulling in opposite directions. Sit down and talk openly about what financial freedom means to both of you and how you can merge those visions into a shared roadmap.
This isn’t just about goals. It’s about creating excitement for your future together. When you agree on what you’re working toward, money becomes a source of inspiration, not friction.
Money conversations are not just about finances; they’re about building deeper understanding and respect for one another in a financial context. By having these talks openly and often, you turn money into a bridge, not a barrier.
I realised most couples will go their whole lives without ever having a constructive and open discussion about finances and without getting on the same team to plan. So I wanted to create a standstill moment, in a relaxed atmosphere, with guidance for you to do exactly that. And walk away with a game plan for your team.
So, drumroll... I’ll be hosting a Couple’s Finance Weekend in Stellenbosch on 14 and 15 June 2025 — a perfect chance to dive into these topics and walk away with a shared action plan and renewed closeness.
Disclaimer: None of my content is personal financial advice; it is for educational purposes only. Always do your own research or speak to an adviser before making any investment decisions.