Should Married Couples Split or Join Finances?
Here’s how we got it wrong and how to get it right:
One thing my husband, Daniel, and I did wrong with our money was to treat it as “separate” for a long time. Even after we got married, for a few years. We used Splitwise to keep track of “who pays what” and to make sure it equals out every month - it usually meant Daniel paying me a sum because I bought groceries.
We only really joined our finances when our son was born in 2023. It made life so much easier. We had a joint account that we both deposited money into, and the household costs would be covered from there.
But we still invest independently. If I could change one thing, it would be for us to approach investing together earlier on. I was on my own mission, eager to build a significant investment portfolio. And I wish we had set targets together - how much we would each invest - earlier on. It would have accelerated the learning curve and also helped with accountability, instead of each learning lessons in isolation and not really sharing with each other.
When I opened up the discussion about finances in couples to my Instagram followers, it seems we’re not the only ones struggling.
How should expenses be split?
Should both invest if only one works?
What if one has expensive hobbies (or cosmetic routines ;))
And it made me do a deep dive into this. There is research around how couples manage finances and, not surprisingly, couples with joint approaches report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and also lower divorce rates.
But where do we even begin when there is so little guidance on how to approach finances as a couple?
A Joint approach not only makes you happier, but also richer
I often see women who earn significantly less than their husbands, not investing because they think their “insignificant” contributions won’t move the needle. So hopefully this example will change your mind on that:
Two households:
Olly and Olive, earn R60k and R20k per month respectively, R80k total
Tilda and Tom, earn R60k and R20k per month respectively, R80k total
Olly runs a one-man investing show - only he invests. He puts 20%, which is R12k, into his brokerage account monthly.
Tilda and Tom each invest 20%, and even though Tilda only invests R4k per month, they have R16k total household investments per month.
Assuming a 10% return, the results after 25 years show that Tilda and Tom’s investment portfolio is worth R4.7 million more than Olly’s.
The lesson here is that a little bit goes a long way when it comes to compounding. Whether you have R500, R1000, or like Tilda, R4000 extra invested per month, put it to good use because it could literally make a difference of millions over time.
So here’s a simple guideline to help you as a couple with your game plan.
The 5-Step Game Plan for Financial Success as a Couple
Step 1: Agree on Shared Values
Money isn’t just about how much you earn or spend. More often than not, it’s about the why behind your spending or saving. That’s why knowing what each other’s financial values are is so important.
Have each person write down a list of their financial values. Once done, compare and find where your values overlap.
Some common money values include:
Security and stability
Financial freedom
Generosity
Growth
Enjoyment
My financial values haven’t always been the same. But for where I am right now in life, freedom and growth are two of my most important values. Daniel values freedom and stability. So our overlapping shared value is freedom - we both agree on the importance of using money to create freedom for ourselves.
Step 2: Set Goals Based on Your Values
When you have aligned your values and know what’s most important to both of you as individuals and as a couple, it’s time to set goals.
A goal is a clear, measurable objective that you are actively pursuing as a team. These can include:
building a fully funded emergency fund by a certain deadline
paying off debt within X amount of months, or
maxing out your Tax-Free Savings Accounts yearly
Be sure to include short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals, and that every goal has a measurable outcome.
Remember: “Retire comfortably” is not a clear OR measurable goal. On the other hand, “Have 20 million saved and invested by age 60” is specific and measurable. Both of these have the comfortable retirement in mind, but it’s much easier to track the second one’s progress and meet it.
Refer to this video to help you calculate how much you need to retire.
Step 3: Allocate Income to Buckets
Next, your combined income should be allocated to different “buckets,” which I like to call the WIN buckets.
WIN stands for wants, investments, and needs, and this framework should allow you to allocate money in ways that don’t just look after your current self, but also your future self.
Divide as follows:
20% to Invest
30% to Wants
50% to Needs
Based on your individual circumstances, you should adjust this ratio to meet your needs. For example, if your goal is to retire earlier than the traditional retirement age, your investments might have to be closer to 30% of your income. This could also be the case if you’re starting to invest later than usual.
Step 4: Define the Money Logistics
Here, many people get stuck because of the discomfort they could possibly experience when talking about money logistics. The thing is, the longer you avoid the conversation, the more awkward it will become.
So bite the bullet and discuss (without judgment):
Will you have joint or separate accounts?
How will you split expenses - proportionally or equally?
Who is responsible for financial admin, like updating the budget?
Every situation is different, and your money logistics might be more complicated than others’ or you might do things differently from what’s the norm.
But what matters most is clarity and communication. What works for you, works for you!
Daniel and I have always earned relatively equal salaries, so we split costs equally for years. Now that we have inconsistent revenue streams from our businesses, we have a joint account that we allocate money to proportionally relative to our earnings. We also have a bigger emergency fund / cash buffer because our income is uncertain. Welcome to early-stage businesses :)
Step 5: Set a Monthly Money Date
Lastly, schedule a time and place to discuss finances every month. Review your budget, how you managed money the previous month, and your strategy for the upcoming month.
It’s important here that neither person feels like they’re being interrogated or stresses about the monthly money date. That’s why it’s called a date - it’s meant to be relaxed, fun, and make money in your household an easy topic.
If you want to get comfortable talking about money and making decisions about it together, it should be the topic of an ongoing conversation, not something that only comes up after emergencies or when problems arise.
Couples who thrive financially don’t just “get lucky.” They put in the work. They talk about the uncomfortable things. They create a plan. And they stick to it together. Setting up a game plan and opening up communication around money could literally change the financial trajectory of some couples’ lives.
Disclaimer: None of my content is personal financial advice; it is for educational purposes only. Always do your own research or speak to an adviser before making any investment decisions.